Swallowing the #intellectualdisability pill has not been easy. Since returning to the employed after a 20 year break, I tried several different jobs to test my abilities. To be more accurate, test my inabilities. There was really no way to test my abilities without actually doing something.
I had an #AVM (blood clot) burst in the back of my head in 2003 which left me with an intellectual disability, as well as other invisible physical disabilities. I was not expected to be able to return to work or learn at a high level ever again.
My first big accomplishment came in 2022 where I graduated #MagnaCumLaude with a degree in International Relations. I said that wrong, my biggest accomplishment was surviving the rupture of the blood clot.
There were many hours put into earning my degree. That fact told me that I could learn again. Technically, yes, but retaining information is the opposite side of that coin. This is something that I have learned about myself since I started working again.
In a University setting, information does not have to be retained over long periods of time. For Example, ss soon as a test is done or a paper written, that data is #datadumped. That's probably the reason I don't remember much information from college. My age doesn't exactly help either, I am 52 now by the way. I did try to retain information, but I really have no control over what gets retained and what doesn't. That's the nature of my intellectual disability and it is a hard pill to swallow.
After a long job search and finding out that #ableism and #ageism are still alive and well, I found a job that I was surprised to get. The job was a project manager at a retail store. We were doing remodels in different stores.
That job did not last long. I think it was only about a month or two. This position showed me what I can't do physically. The job itself was not too physical, but it involved a lot of walking around. It is not advisable for me to walk around a lot. After about an hour, I began to sweat profusely, which was just gross. Honestly, it was disgusting for my shirt to be completely soaked with sweat. It also made my head hurt and I became dizzy and nauseous.
As I was looking around for work that I could possibly do, I stumbled on the insurance industry. It all sounded good, I could work from home and set my own hours. But the downside is that I was not a good salesman. That is a skill that I would have to learn, but the income potential is pretty good.
So I ended up getting a job as a social worker for the State. I guess I was good in the interview. That's what I like to think anyways. It might also be that they were just looking for more bodies to fill positions. The job has a high turnover ratio because it deals with very intense and sometimes heartbreaking emotions.
After about 6 or 7 months and having more responsibilities, I was starting to forget more. I was asking my supervisor and my co-workers the same questions over and over again. They were obviously getting a little annoyed with it because word got back to my supervisor about it. I was also quickly learning about office politics, who to trust and who not to trust. Who to talk to and who not to talk to about job related topics.
Along with the #forgetfulness came other symptoms. There was more pain, dizziness, and nausea. It got to a point where I went to the emergency room to see if there was anything going on inside my head. According to the CT scan, there was nothing wrong that they could see. So, I continued to carry on and kept forgetting things.
It is hard to remember things when you have other not fun symptoms going on. I woke up one day a couple months later in serious pain, dizzy, and nauseated. So much so that I called out of work. That was on a Thursday. I didn't go to work Friday either. I figured that things would get better over the weekend and be ready for Monday. I was way wrong about that. That was my last day of work and me and my doctors are still trying to figure out what is going on.
One myth about my particular disability is that everyone forgets things, so it is not a disability. People often think I'm faking it or I'm just not paying attention. The paying attention part comes directly from my supervisor. You might be a forgetful person, but do not assume that I am just a forgetful person and pass it off as not paying attention. The damage to my brain is real, whether someone wants to believe that is their own problem. Granted, everyone forgets things, and that myth is perpetuated by people who can't see past their own forgetfulness. To my supervisor's credit, she has tried to help in certain ways, but it has not really worked out.
Myths about #neurodiversity are often linked to #mentalillness and commonly associated with autism, ADHD, and dyslexia. These are not mental illnesses. To be fair, no two brains are alike and I believe that #neurodiversity lies in everyone. Not everyone thinks and acts in the same way. That is why people with similar interests and views often congregate together.
Another way to explain it is that when you look for a job, you might love the job but don't get along with anyone that you work with. Certain jobs are better suited for different individuals. Without different viewpoints, beliefs, culture, knowledge, everyone would be the same and that would be a little bit of a boring world I think.
You are not going to fit in everywhere and not everyone is going to like you. That can be a hard pill to swallow for some people, but it's true. There are people that don't like me and there are people that I don't like.
In my particular case, I do not think I have found where I fit in yet. Things have happened at work that make me want to scream 'bullshit' and say other colorful adjectives. This time off of work has cemented those feelings.
Not everyone embraces #neurodiversity and differing viewpoints. People know when someone is not fitting in and they can be forced out of a group, whether at work or with friends and whether they want to or not.
#neurodiverse people having ways of looking at the world that some people will never understand. #neurodiverse people deal with many challenges that they must overcome, which in itself gives different viewpoints on solving problems.
When I started working, I had no idea that my brain would forget so much. I didn't know how much it would affect my co-workers and supervisor. But it has been pretty disheartening to realize my true deficits.